Inevitably, your child will be expected to respect the limits and rules set by other adults, such as childcare providers, babysitters, or other family members. And some of these adults will have slightly different discipline styles from your own. If your child is in child care, you'll need to pay special attention to whether or not your discipline style conflicts with that of your child's care provider, because your child spends a good deal of time responding to her standards. Yet expressing your views on how to manage the typical discipline issues that arise in childcare is often challenging. If you communicate abruptly and judgmentally, your provider may feel distrusted, affecting future interactions with you and possibly with the child. However, if you share this information with your childcare provider with compassion and honesty, you are setting the stage for positive interactions in the future.

Make Connections in Times of Peace
Building a solid relationship with your childcare provider when things are going smoothly lays crucial groundwork, should issues arise later on. After all, the way you convey information -- in the tone you use, the way you listen, and the words you choose -- has a direct effect on the way a provider will interpret and implement the information you share.

Strategies for Discussing Behaviour with
Your ChildCare Provider
While most of the behaviour issues you'll want to discuss with your provider will be simple, on occasion, you may need to meet with her to discuss an issue in more depth. You should strive to share information about your child's temperament, as well as the strategies you use for successfully managing certain behaviours. It is your goal to work together toward a discipline plan that is effective for your child.

Get to know your childcare provider. It is easier to share feedback when you have a positive relationship with the childcare provider and easier for her to hear your concerns.

Communicate often about positive attributes of your child. At drop-off and pick-up time, share bits of information that add to the provider's understanding of your child.

Give the childcare provider the information she needs in written format; don't overload with extraneous details. Some parents utilize a small notebook in their child's backpack to increase two-way communication.

Ask to meet with the childcare provider if behaviour issues need to be discussed in depth.

Be empathetic and validate the childcare provider's concerns. It is important that childcare providers know you are interested in correcting any misbehaviour.

Discuss your need for confidentiality regarding the issues you explore together on behalf of your child.

Provide clear information about how you deal with particular behaviours at home.

Offer to set up routine times for discussing discipline issues with the childcare provider. This may be necessary until behaviour is under control.

Invite the childcare provider to keep you informed about progress or strategies that seem to be affecting behaviour, and try not to react defensively.

Listen with an open mind. It can be difficult to hear information that seems "critical" of your child. It's also difficult to know your child is having difficulty in childcare. Acknowledge those natural feelings, but don't let them interfere with your ultimate goal -- helping your child learn more appropriate behaviour.

Ask that information be discussed discreetly -- not in front of the child. You never want a child to feel that he is "bad."

After meeting, summarize what was said and agree on a general plan for next steps.

Always follow up your conversations with inquiries about what is working well and what still needs to be accomplished. You and your childcare provider are partners in teaching your child how to get along in the world.

When you share information without judgment you will positively impact the relationship between you, the childcare provider and your child. Using a non-judgemental tone will also make it easier for your childcare provider to support your discipline plan. Always follow up with your childcare provider about your conversation. Ask what is working well and what goals all of you should continue to work on. Nurturing this special relationship is important for your child's development and for your piece of mind.

*Note: This article originally appeared on Beansprout Networks web site.

Thanks to Lynne Reeves Griffin at Proactive Parenting for this article. Site can be visited by clicking on: www.eproactiveparenting.com